At least for today!!!

So I was sitting there rocking Drake at 5:30 this morning (his usual wake time since birth). He does sometimes sleep in till 6:30, and yes... daddy gets his share of early mornings too!

Maybe I was tired that my husband was out of town(again), maybe I was feeling sorry for myself that I never get to sleep past 6:30 (except a few times in the past 4 years), maybe I was burnt out on watching my son vomit almost daily (if not twice daily) for over a year, maybe I thought about the fact that I would be changing his diaper for the rest of his life ( even when he's grown and too big to pick-up), maybe I was wondering if the doctors will ever figure out why Drake continues to have episodes of passing out, maybe I was feeling guilty that I'm tired of doing this already... and he's only 4.

Then what came on TV??? It was a commercial about some college or some store selling something to go to college. I don't recall which one, that's not important. It was a beautiful picture of this mom and her son; getting him ready for college, they had gone and bought some goods for his new dorm room, everything matched down to the cool metal trashcan, they were getting new books and moving him into his "new" life. Now I know this was a "picture perfect" scene, I know it was only a commercial, I know that college is expensive (no comparison to the costs of a SN child!!!), I know it always seems greener on the other side... but it still hurt.

I don't quite know why, I know I'll get to experience it with my oldest if that's the route (God willing) he chooses, but I felt sad for Drake (or mostly for me). I felt like I would still be sitting in that same green rocking chair in 14 years from now, rocking an 18 year old man. It sadden me to think he'd never be on his own and that my husband and I would never be "Empty Nester's". It hurt that I thought such depressing things.

When what do you know... the commercial was over, I looked down at that sweet angle pie who was finally asleep. Knowing he is safe in my arms, knowing that he is a happier child today than he was3 1/2 years ago, knowing that he never has to give a thought about being hungry, knowing that in his world "Life is Good", knowing that at any moment this could all come to an end and knowing that one day I will look back on these days and wish I hadn't wished them all away.

So as for today, no one will know the impact some silly commercial had on me. More importantly Drake will never know I had a tough morning with him... at least for today.

Complex Balanced Translocation

Meet Drake

46,xy,t (4;14;4;1) (q28.2;q13.1;q28.2q21;p31.3)

This is a picture of the drawing that was given to us while I was 20 weeks pregnant. It's Drake Complex Balanced Transloction. You won't see it anywhere else... and if you do please call me, I was told he's the ONLY one in the world with this "rare" chromosomal abnormality!!! I'd hate to think I had been slighted for the winnings of this lottery!

Tomorrow I get to go talk to a group of P.A. students. I was given a list of questions from a good friend S-. She use to be D's CNA and now has moved on to better her career. I knew she wouldn't stay around long, but while she did Drake was in good care with someone who loved him and cared about more than just the "patient"! She was always asking questions about D- and wanting to know what the docs had to say. To learn more. To be better than she realized she was! I know she will do GREAT at whatever she chooses to do with her life!

If only she could learn to be on time... she'll make a perfect doctor!!!

The interesting thing was after thinking about the answers to her questions, I decided to make an outline. Little did I know how much Drake and our family have been through in such a short amount of time (almost 4years). Little did I know the memories it would bring back. Little did I know how far D- had come and remembering the days when I never thought we would make it this far! The outline is more about my pregnancy and the "early days". It certainly isn't ALL the details, but maybe it will help me keep my thoughts in order while I'm up there talking to this group of students (& trying not to cry). You never know... one of them might one day be Drake's doctor. Better yet, maybe something I say will be remembered and kind words spoken to help another family in the "early days".

The days are long but the years short. -unknown